


I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna be your bitch

by Harukiswife



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, Internalized Homophobia, Jearmin - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Indulgent, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-25 06:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30084735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukiswife/pseuds/Harukiswife
Summary: Jean wished he could tell him, but every time his words got stuck in his throat. He felt so guilty for not being able to tell Armin, as much as he wanted to. He wanted to relive these moments for the rest of his life, Armin looked so beautiful. It would be the perfect time to tell him.But he can't.Title from I wanna be your girlfriend by Girl in Red.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Background Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

Armin caught feelings easily, it was an inside joke in his circle. Any one of them could be Armin's next crush. His crushes tended to be short-lived. But they were exciting, they made him feel alive. His thoughts being filled by only one person, and them exclusively. But it never felt, real.

When Eren would describe his crushes, it was new to him. If this was what he was supposed to feel, then was what he had been feeling before all wrong? And more importantly, has he ever really had a crush before or had he convinced himself he had?

Eren always described it as "the little things they did" he always mentioned butterflies as well. Armin didn't know what that meant.

It was all too confusing, and he'd rather not have to explain it to himself right now.

Armin, Jean and Eren decided to hang out just the three of them for once. As much as Armin loved the two of them, it was bound to get out of hand quickly. The two of them had cooled down a bit from when they were kids, but if there was an opportunity to argue, they took it.

Armin just had to wait for Eren to pick him up so they could go to Jean's house together. It really wasn't necessary but Eren said it'd take less time. Armin knew he just didn't want to be left alone with Jean, but gave in anyway.

He really didn't understand why Eren hated Jean so much. He's not mean when you get to know him, more shy than anything. There was so much about Jean that Armin noticed.

When he would laugh he'd grab Armin's shoulder to steady himself. When he cried he'd cover his ears. How his hair would appear hazel in the sun, dark brown in the shade. How soft his skin was.

"That's probably not normal is it..." Armin thought to himself. Not much of what he did was normal anyway so he didn't think much of it.

Armin had been at Jean's house a lot over the years so he knew it like the back of his hand. Some of his fondest memories were of him and Jean playing games together or talking all night at sleepovers. 

He and Jean were a lot closer than people thought they were at first glance, they didn't give off the vibe of being friends. People usually assumed Jean was his bully, sometimes they'd go along with it. 

Jean would always end up breaking character and laughing. That's how Armin found out about the shoulder touch. His face would always feel hotter than it was before when Jean touched him.

It had always been like that with them. He was sure Jean felt the same way with him. Right? Probably. 

Armin looked out the window of Eren's car, unnecessary as it was for Eren to pick him up, Armin had to admit the fields on the way to Jean's house were beautiful. 

Jean lived in the countryside, while Eren and Armin lived in the city. It was nice to get away from all the noise and see Jean. 

Eren was talking about his newest titan figures, usually, Armin would listen but he was too focused on Jean to pay attention. Eren would probably tell Jean about it anyway.

"Armin, we're here" Eren shook his shoulder. Armin looked at him and nodded. There was something different than all the other times he'd gone to Jean's house. Nervousness. He'd never been nervous around Jean, they were best friends why would he be? 

He shook it off, it was probably nothing. Probably.

Instead of focusing on his nervousness, he should be more concerned about making sure Jean and Eren don't fight. They had made jokes before that if they didn't hate each other so much, they'd probably be dating. Jean would always remind them he was straight.

"The token straight friend" Jean had come up with it, with how much he reminds them he's straight you'd think he's in the closet. Armin made fun of him for it a lot, Jean would always roll his eyes and change the subject. 

Jean was waiting by the door, "fucking finally, what took you guys so long?" Jean let them in and closed the door.

"Eren wanted to pick me up, I told him it'd take less time if I just came myself" Armin elbowed him, "but he insisted."

"That afraid to be alone with me huh? You got a crush on me or something Eren?" Jean laughed walking down his hall into his living room, Eren running after him to probably punch him for even suggesting it.

Armin sighed, he should stop them but instead, he looked at the pictures on the hall walls. Baby photos, family photos, Jean's embarrassing school photos. Armin smiled, he's always been cute, hasn't he-

Always been... what?


	2. Chapter 2

He’s always been cute... Where did that come from? He’s never thought Jean was cute before... He can call Jean cute and that's it, nothing else. Armin stopped looking at the pictures and went into the living room. Jean and Eren were sitting next to each other, they weren't arguing surprisingly. 

Eren was telling Jean about his titan figures, Armin was glad they weren't fighting at the very least. That was nice.

"What are you guys doing?" Armin sat next to Jean, leaning over him to see Eren's phone. Eren smiled and started from the beginning. Armin was trying his best to pay attention to Eren, but he could only smell how nice Jean smelt. He always smelled nice when he thinks about it.

Armin looked at Jean's face, his eyes were practically glued to Eren's phone, so he probably wouldn't notice if Armin stared at him a little. Right?

Armin was right, Jean is pretty cute. His eyes were so soft. Armin considered himself lucky being able to see Jean like this, so calm and beautiful. He was surprised Jean didn't have a girlfriend. Did he want one? If he did it wouldn't be hard finding one.

Why is he even thinking about that? It doesn't have anything to do with him, does it... Must just be curiosity. He's stared at Jean enough, he needs to start paying attention to Eren before he gets mad. He was thankful Jean hadn't noticed or at least pretended not to.

But Jean did notice, and it was strange. He wasn't mad at Armin, madder at how it made him feel to see Armin try and discreetly look at him. Mad at how he felt about it. What was that feeling? He couldn't think of the right words. 

He wanted Armin to do it again, he wanted to feel it again. It felt like a thrill throughout his body, it was a weird feeling but in a  _ perfect _ way. It felt like a distant memory, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember it. Armin was actually paying attention now, which was funny to Jean because he made Jean not pay attention because of what he did.

"Jean! Are you even listening to me?" Eren flicked his forehead. 

"What the fuck? Yeah, I'm listening," Jean was not listening when Eren started talking again. He was just staring at Eren's phone, trying to figure out what that feeling was.

By the time he zoned back in, Eren had already finished talking. "You still have Just Dance right?" Eren stood up and went through Jean's games. 

"Fucking obviously? Where would it go?" Jean stood up and handed Eren the game. Armin could tell they were gonna start fighting but decided to stay out of it for once.

As expected they started yelling at each other. As much as Armin hated them yelling, it was funny to hear them fight over the silliest things. He tended to give Jean the benefit of the doubt, even though he usually started the fights.

He knew they'd always get over it, they didn't actually hate each other they wouldn't hang out so often if they actually did. They've had actual falling outs over the years, but nothing too serious. Armin was glad it hadn't happened to him with either of them.

He hated falling out with friends, it was horrible. When Eren and Jean stopped being friends he did his best to comfort them both. Even if it meant lying about talking to the other. Armin hated lying to his friends, but if it meant cheering them up then he'd do it.

As stubborn as Jean was sometimes, it was always easier for him to come around and forgive Eren. 

He didn't know if it'd be the same if they ever fought. He couldn't imagine ever being mad at Jean.

"Armin, can you tell him to stop being a jackass?" They were picking- no, fighting over which song to pick.

"I'm not dancing to BTS, Jean."

"What's wrong with BTS?!"

"Nothing! I just don't want to!" Armin sighed and took the controller from Jean, he pouted which made Armin feel strange.

"It's literally just a song, why don't you do... Euphoria first, and then Eren you can pick the next song?"

"Why have you been siding with Jean so much recently?"

"I'm not siding with Jean! I just think this argument is dumb" Eren was right though, he had been siding with Jean a lot recently. The only question was,  _ why _ ? Armin would be the first to admit Jean was wrong a lot, so why has he been siding with him so much?

It’s probably just a coincidence. Probably.


End file.
